I Want to be Envious of my Own Life

     It's not that I really envy other people's lives. I take a look at other people, what they have been doing and all the fun pictures they've taken. I also take into account where they are living and how they are living. What is it that I am missing? I've recently asked myself, why do I feel like I am missing out. It's not that I want what they have or care to do things the way they are doing them. I want to look at my life and feel that it is something I could envy. It's really as if I feel I am not fully engaging my full potential. I am not taking the chance to develop the best version of my self. The version that feels happy, free, adventurous, fulfilled.

     Not everyone's life is always as perfect and wonderful as someone else may perceive it to be. You really don't know exactly what is going on in their life. And even so, what if their life is amazing and they love every minute of it? You can't be happy living someone else's life. You have to live your life doing what makes you happy.

     Setting goals is important. Even more important, completing them. I've been wondering what is holding me back. I don't complete the goals I find scary. I've let fear decide things for me. Some days I feel lost, others certain of my path. This is not to say I am unhappy. I feel blessed to have what I have. I have been given so many opportunities and I have amazing people surrounding me. I do truly feel happy, just not always so sure of what I am doing with my life.

     Sometimes I battle with myself. Take the safe certain route, or the crazy scary route? I see so many different versions of me. Am I the only one? For some reason I struggle with accepting I could be variations of each version. I could be a writer, a magazine editor, a musician, a fitness guru, a traveler and what ever else I can think of.

     I think what the struggle for me is, I have been convinced that the only way to be successful is to follow what society deems so. College is a must, a good career follows and you have to be practical and rational with your decisions for your career.

     At this point I find myself writing things that maybe are a little too heavy, I just felt the urge to write this all down and blog it. Maybe someone will read this and get it. Other's may not.

    This February I'm going to do something gutsy. Something I haven't done in a few years. I'm going to perform in front of an audience. There we go, it's written and publicly on the internet. I have to do it. The only way I can become the best version of myself, the one that feels fulfilled is if I do the things that I find to make me successful. I have to do my own thing and stop letting fear rule.

     Anyone who has read this whole thing... you're seriously awesome!
I also challenge you to set a goal, something you're really nervous to do. Complete it this February. Do it!

 Ashley